I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I believe in your delicious
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
