We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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