I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
