Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
