When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Verdict: uncircumcised.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
