but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
