WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
