I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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