i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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