Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
