Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
