I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
