i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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