Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
