i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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