They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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