omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
