Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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