people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
