thus making me awesome and them whores
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
