I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
