i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
