so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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