Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize