You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Did I show you my penis last night?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
