Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
