i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize