I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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