Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
