im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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