In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
