new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
