a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize