Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
