I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
