i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
