Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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