my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
