Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize