I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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