If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
worst night to have a conscience
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
