Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
