i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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