Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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