then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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