im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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