If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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