come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
