I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
