tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
