Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
