I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
