i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
