How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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