i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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