woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize