i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
