Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
pop tarts are not kleenex
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize