I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
