went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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