remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
