also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
