Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
