I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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