i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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