New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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