This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize